Translation: Ida Popovski
If you wish you can listen to the music that, I think, goes well with this text.
How alone can a human being be?
How much time spent in solitude during an average existence is sufficient to a human?
Are we all alone in the end?
During our childhood, Saturn is the helping hand holding us when learning to walk. Saturn is our every fall while we are struggling to make our first steps. And Saturn is also we, the children, a burden, responsibility, and the reason of restrictions in the parents’ lives.
We even know that it is in the best interest of our future, to adopt those messages we are getting from our parents, school teachers, teachers and all other authorities in the children’s realm – we are Saturn.
Knowing that we are the problem, that everything would be different if we weren’t there- because mother is putting up with father because of the child, the father doesn’t have time for mother because of the child, they are both doing jobs they don’t like because of the child, they are sad, unhappy, they do not laugh, it is hard for them- all this because of the child. We also hear that we are best when not around, when we are in our rooms as if we didn’t exist, are quiet unless asked to speak, in fact that we are smarter when we are silent. We keep hearing that all the crystal vases and newly painted wall are more important than our scorched knees, that the bed is more important then our joy when jumping on it, that we are not allowed to cry because it angers them, and if in pain to – endure, endure, endure. That we are not allowed to be children, that we should look up to some other child, be like them or like our brother/ sister, and not be what we are. Whatever we do we are guilty, that we are never good enough, that we shouldn’t be thinking about ourselves but about how others feel – them for example, brothers, sisters or the neighbors. The others are the only things that matter. Forget what we want and do what they want just to please them. And if we do what we want, do not forget to be grateful and remember that it wouldn’t be possible it wasn’t for them, as if our role in it was completely irrelevant. Be strong, because only those who cry are weak, and those who are weak are cowards. Do not disturb them while they’re working, sleeping, or eating, they do not have time to look at our paintings from which the paint is still dripping because we couldn’t wait for it to dry, joyfully rushing to show them…but in a moment, just let them finish their lunch. Do not embarrass them when visiting someone. Do not make them feel ashamed in front of teachers…
And there is no human being that hasn’t taken in some of these messages whether said out loud or conveyed silently, and buried them inside and set them over with cement.
„There are some things in this world that can be changed and some that can’t. And time passing is one thing that can’t be redone. Come this far and you can’t go back. After a certain length of time has passed, things harden. Like a cement in a bucket. The cement that makes you up has set, so the you you are now can’t be anyone else.” (Murakami, “South of the Border, West of the Sun”)
“The little people, we call “children” have their own big pains and other sufferings, that they later forget when they become wise and grown people. Actually, they just go out of sight. But if we could go back to our childhood, back to our seat in elementary school that we have left a long time ago, we would be able to see them again. Back there, from that point of view, those pains and sufferings still live and exist as any other reality.” (Ivo Andric)
Even when we grow up, those same “children” hurt inside. They are alone, same as the time when they were choking their cries, doubting themselves, waiting for their ”real parents” to come along and save them. Still insecure, vulnerable, taught not to speak about themselves, to take care of other people and their needs. Craving for love, craving for human contact. Craving for life.
You cannot escape from sorrow. Saturn knows that. Because of that, Saturn makes us conscious, while we grow up, of what is and what isn’t possible. Are we ever going to be beautiful if we aren’t already? Are we going to trust our beliefs if we didn’t trust them in the past 20 or 30 years? Are we finally going to be loved the way we wanted to be? Is this world going to be good place to live in, what about the exclusivity that we encouraged ourselves with during our teenage years- when every young being thought that an “extraordinary fate” would be awaiting him, special, completely different from millions of others simply ordinary. What happens when we come to realize that we are “ordinary”…And maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much if we hadn’t, throughout our whole life, tried to give our best just so it wouldn’t turn out that way. We have done everything that others expected us to; we have created our own needs and wishes based on the ideas of others. Is it so difficult to be happy? Is it so impossible to get attention on a daily basis? And is it such a terrible notion to think that anyone could accept us the way we really are? Why are we so afraid and trying so hard to always show ourselves in a way that is acceptable to others?
The whole of today’s world is based on and steady as the result of suffering, pain and the sorrow of men. Pluto in Capricorn, the whole firm social support of the entire planet is based on human solitude. Estrangement and loneliness, ensuring consumers rush, the short lived hysteria and manic happiness induced by the use of credit cards, as a guarantee for the acceptance of harsh working hours and working conditions- because if you don’t have anything to fulfill your life with- you will fulfill it with your job. Everything that is being OFFERED to you is just a replacement of loneliness- just see it for yourselves, everything costs! Everything is for SALE. Isn’t it ironic? Buying happiness, pleasure, love, smiles, hugs, company…The only revolution that people can start in this and every following year is to start doing something with their loneliness, their sorrow, to accept it, face the fact that it is never going away, that they have always been there and always will be.
Only then, when you realize that this world has been bewitched with sorrow and loneliness as enchanted castles in fairy tales, only then will you find the strength to do something for yourself. Otherwise it is impossible. Only then will you get back your sensitivity and the ability to react to the emotions of others. This way, we have set ourselves deep into self-pity and precisely because it is difficult for EVERYONE, this year is striving towards further developing serious pathologies of psychoses and indifferences to others, which do not bring anything good to society, the world and the least to each one of us. Our lives could become even more – dark.
The sooner you accept this, the better, if you haven’t already. Finally realize how tired you have become of waiting for life.
Since Pluto has entered Capricorn – the sign ruled by Saturn, sorrow is constantly present in the air, now more than ever. Sorrow as a potential source of energy. Sorrow and all her sisters: Depression, Destruction, Melancholy, Apathy, Fear… Some have noticed her from the start, and have lived with her, capturing every new facet of her. Others have ignored her, they have “made” themselves be happy, anywhere and anytime- staying true to the image of the eternal optimist, who thinks positively. One of the saddest people in the world, unlucky in love, nostalgic, and an ocean of solitude – was Charlie Chaplin. The man who made the whole world laugh. Sorrow, killed Janis Joplin in the end. From being rejected by her family, to the mocking of her generation, complexes because of her looks, her voice (!), to one of her statements that carries the full eruption of her emotional loneliness as her song with it’s symbolic title “Kosmic Blues”, which says:
„On stage, I make love to 25,000 different people, then I go home alone.”
IN SOME THINGS WE ARE COMPLETLY ALONE
The sooner we understand this, Pluto in Capricorn (which will be there until 2022) will be more acceptable, easier to deal with, and he will bring us strength and true power- the kind that only he can give, giving us the ability to transform pain and fear into fulfillment and strength. Enabling us to be proud of ourselves, and happy to be who we are. Pluto in Capricorn is like a caterpillar making a cocoon. Every one of us has done so up to now. We have nested ourselves in our own fears and insecurities. Now is the time to tear up the cocoon and let our butterfly out.
Out of all the advices I could give you for the year 2012, only this one is really important.
Concerning what is going on a global level- I have written at length in previous yearly horoscopes. I have nothing more or new to add there. See for yourselves…
In 2012, Pluto is still making important aspects with Uranus in Aries.
This is what causes so many outbursts in people, explosive and unexpected reactions, revolts, which are not constructive and cannot be as long as they are products of fear and helplessness to changes anything. Because Uranus wants to change, to deliver – and Pluto is saying “ only over my dead bodies, wreckage, which are in fact the heritage of your life and growing up”. When you don’t want to, out of fear, to accept the sorrow of this world, whether you are trying your best to be happy, or you are trying to satisfy the demands of the whole consumer’s, capitalist and democratic society, who like a new parent is now teaching you to conduct yourself with manners and subtlety, when you have forgotten yourself and realize how much you have forgotten- then your sorrow, with what is really true, will find a way out trough Uranus, and then you can surprise yourself in the worst kind. Hysteria, madness, irrational behaviors, following up fashionable trends at any cost, changing yourself just to fit in into the image of the world- Uranus brings all of this, making the hole within you, which is the abyss of Pluto in Capricorn, only deeper.
Fear is then escalating up to the point of becoming phobias, people and the world are becoming utter enemies, and the cocoon that was letting in just a little light is now plunged into complete darkness.
But I still know and see, that many have understood what it is all about, even before this text.
They are running from the world towards themselves. They are saving themselves.
Towards their sorrow, loneliness and pain, to accept it. They know that the past cannot be changed, but they can become more conscious than all the people around them, have ever been. People become conscious when they least expect it. They just become aware that they no longer care about something, and realize what matters to them. They see what always mattered to them only they were unable to see it, and which are the things that are worth and what they can really have.
“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put there just to nourish human loneliness?” (Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart)
If only, as of today, we would put our most realistic picture on our facebook profile, it would be a step towards ourselves. Instead of towards them. If today we would write our wish list, not thinking whether our wishes are silly, rational, possible or impossible. If we would only allow ourselves to be sad because for some of those wishes time has run out. Just let yourselves be what you truly are no matter what the world wants! Make room for yourselves in your own lives.
There is time for you. For your new wishes, visions, ideas, creations. For a new life- the kind that only Pluto in Capricorn offers. The resurrection of the dead. Even though I know that many will become zombies by giving up on themselves completely. So, create. Do not surrender easily. Finally accept that your only strength with this Pluto in Capricorn is to understand that you are strong enough to be weak. You are born with this strength, so just let yourself be strong. Enough of perfection. Even the most beautiful art pieces of ancient times miss certain parts of their anatomy. Our ancestors are conveying us a message showing us what is perfect. Not good enough, precisely what it needs to be perfect. We are all somehow not: good, smart, beautiful, powerful, rich, loved, cheerful, talented enough, accepted or social enough…and we are all LIVING SOULS.
In love, forget about all the stupid things that the world has put into your head as the only points of value for your happiness. Only ONE thing matters. To have someone next to you who will make you feel alive. Someone next to whom you can grow because you feel warm. Just like a plant cannot grow without light, we, while trying to find ourselves in the dark – do not grow. While feeling our way around we will stumble upon our own reflection, get scared of our own shadows, which then reflect even more the ramparts of our souls. Your friends and partners should be people next to whom you can behave inadequately in society whenever you feel like it and be stubborn and imperfect in every sense. People next to whom you can be who you really are. Because this is the only thing that exists. What you think “you should be” exists only in magazines that sell so well precisely because of that false belief.
And while you are waiting for it to happen, even this is totally acceptable:
But don’t let you present achievements turn into great expectations.
It is perfectly all right if you are not content, if you are not as pretty today because you couldn’t be bothered to wash your hair, if you are irritable and don’t feel like talking to anyone. Then don’t. Do not force yourself to be civil since there are already days during which we do not feel civil, and we don’t look it either! 🙂
We all have a dark side, a silly side, we are all weird and have fantasies, and have the right to enjoy them. Because this is precisely where all of the most fascinating creativity is coming from. Those are the things that make you write, dance, this is the place from which you let yourself float out into the light.
“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” (E.E. Cummings)
Just a few more advices that have been left for us:
“Learn to love solitude – to be more alone with yourselves. The problem with young people is their carrying out noisy and aggressive actions not to feel lonely – and this is a sad thing – the individual must learn to be on his own as a child – for this doesn’t mean to be alone: it means not get bored with oneself which is a very dangerous symptom, almost a disease.” (Andrei Tarkovsky)
Tom laughed. “How much shit does a man have to take just to stay alive?”“Plenty,” came the answer, “and more…” (Charles Bukowski)
“Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul grow – whether there is a market for it or not! The kick of creation is the act of creating, not anything that happens afterward. I would tell all of you watching this screen: Before you go to bed, write a four line poem. Make it as good as you can. Don’t show it to anybody. Put it where nobody will find it. And you will discover that you have your reward.” (Kurt Vonnegut)
“If you don’t feel it, flee from it. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated.” (Paul F. Davis)